Lifeless
by nat157s
Summary: He was just to late...to late to even call her name as he watched her slowly slipping away, he couldn't, he wouldn't accept that she was gone...But deep down in his own heart he knew she wasn't with him anymore, she's cold, she's still...She is lifeless...


Cause of Death- Lifeless.

_Lifeless._

_The words don't even sink in as I hold her close to me, keeping her in the protectiveness of my grasp, as she is laid in my arms, while am refusing to let her go, people all around me keep telling me that's she gone, but no matter how many times I hear it, I refuse to believe it's true._

_People try to pull me away but I won't let go; I will never let her go, she's my life and without her my life doesn't exist. I scream at the paramedics, cursing every swear word under the sun there is to yell, pleading for them to help her, practically begging them, but they just look at me like am some kind of lunatic._

_They just watch as I hold onto her trying to call her name, begging for her to open her eyes, pleading with her to stay with me, but they all know she's not breathing, they know that she isn't still here on this earth no more, that she is dead, that she is gone forever..._

_I shake as I feel the warmth escape from her body, flooding out from her, as the colour of her olive complexion begins to drain, slowly vanishing her radiant sparkle; loosing that shine as time begins to pass me by. She's going but yet I still can't pull away, still I keep her so close to my chest embracing her coldness trying to warm her up, desperately trying to do anything to help her._

_I can't let her go, she was everything to me and I can't bare the fact that I will be living in this world on my own and not with her as it should be. I can't accept the fact that she's never going to be here anymore, its shattering my heart every-time the thought crosses my mind; every five seconds passes and I still hold her so tightly in my arms._

_She needs to be here so I can tell her I'm in love with her and that all I ever wanted was her, that I would die a million times over for her, that we could live the rest of lives together till the day we die, being old and so much in love._

_I begin to cry historically rocking her back and forward, as I scream shouting "No!" As loud as my lungs can bellow._

_I wrap my jacket around her fragile frozen body, trying to stop the blood that seeps from her chest, which begins to seep into my jacket and staining my shaky hands._

_But it's too late she had already died thirty nine minutes ago and yet I still hold her in my arms waiting for her to wake up. The crowd of bypasses just stand watching me as I mourn over her utterly still body, as tears disperse from my bloodshot stringing eyes._

_I have never cried before not even when my mother died or when my Dad got sent to prison, I kept it together for Cyth I had to stay strong for her, but now I don't know how to stop with every tear behind it is heart breaking pain._

_I feels like a hole has been punctured into my lungs as I can't breathe, my whole world and life has just been shot down, as they crumpled in the same way she fell when she was shot, the feeling that I can't breathe because I lost the one thing that meant the whole god damn world to me._

_I begin to resuscitate her even though it wouldn't make a difference now; it's been at least one hour since she was stolen away from me. Desperate to not give up hope I'll try anything to make sure she stays by my side, as I pound on her chest frantically, attempting to restart her heart…Even though in the back of my mind it's too late._

_Everyone looks at me with pain written deep within their eyes as all of their faces are locked onto mine, as I get no response, still no heartbeat will ever be present._

_I refuse to not give up on her even though everyone else has. They don't understand what she meant to me, without her I lose everything, I need her next to me telling me everything will be okay, but it will never be okay._

_What hurts me the most is that she didn't deserve to die, that she had her whole life ahead of her and yet she was taken away from me. I just wanted to run and hide because I know I will be living with this guilt for the rest of my life, still asking myself the same haunting questions: Why didn't I do something much sooner? Or why didn't I do anything to protect her from that gunshot?_

_It's my entire fault that she's gone all because I was too late to even scream her name to warn her of the danger. It's my fault she is laid dead on the floor...I did this! And it's my fault for letting the bastard take her away from me. Am the reason her family will never get to see their daughter ever again, no one else...But me!_

_I begin to stop knowing she's gone, I just have to face up to it, even if it feels like am dying inside, I look around as my eyes meet with the crowds of various people, they all look at me with the most sincere and sadden look._

_"What are you all staring at? There's nothing here to see! I've just lost my partner, don't stare at her, she is not some kind of freak show! Get the hell outta here!" I yell in rage that builds up inside of me with the frustration that was triggered from her death._

_Then it all hits me at once, I feels like I can't see things straight that am blind walking into darkness. My knees feel like jelly as they buckle beneath me forcing me to collapse down to the hard pavement into an inconsolable state of tears, that feel like a broken tap that will never stop dripping._

_I wipe my tears as I look over to Natara one last time, knowing it will be the final time I'll ever appreciate her beauty, every little detail that made her so perfect from the way she smiled, to even the sparkle created in her eyes. The last time I'll ever hold her my arms in our special embraces. The last time I'll ever hear her screaming at me telling me off when she was mad at me, or when I would tease her to the point where it just made her smile._

_I look deeply at her lying on the cold ground just a few yards away and I can see she's gone. Even though this is my nightmare seeing her like this, it's so devastating but yet at the same time, she looks so peaceful and yet it's so hard for me to walk away without my partner, but also without my best friend that was my whole world._

_Every last detail I take a mental photograph so that I can memorise it, holding onto it so I don't forget what she looks like or what she was like as Natara Williams; the woman that will forever put a smile on my face or anyone's for that matter. She was the woman of such beauty and honour; she was the woman of my dreams, of my life and the cause of my true heartbeat._

_I hold her hand which now feels like an icicle as it has officially lost all of her warmth that has now evaporated away. I run my hand though her soft shiny, chocolate hair, so I don't forget how soft it always felt when I consoled her all those times when she cried onto my shoulder. I then run my hand along her cheeks feeling the smoothness of them, as I have when I wiped her tears away all them times when she was heartbroken I made sure I mended her shattered heart._

_Before I finally kiss her on the forehead, and whispering them words that I shall never get the chance to say. "I Love you Natara Williams."_

_"I always wished I got the chance to say them words to you, if only I said something sooner, damn me for being a coward if only…I'm gonna miss you, you know and I mean it, you have been my air I breathe and just because you have left me doesn't mean you aren't right here with me. Yours always gonna be locked inside my heart you hear me." I stoked her cheek as I talked softly into her ear._

_"The best thing I ever did was meeting you, and that's why I'll treasure you Nat. You're my shining star that I will search every night to see shinning as you always do, and even though I 've lost you, heaven has gained such a precious angel. One day I'll see you again but for now sleep tight my beautiful princess and don't forget me when you're gone...I love you Nat I'll always will."_

_Blaise walked over to me as she puts a soft and comforting hand onto my shoulder not saying anything instead, she looked at me and I could tell what she is saying though her eyes. I kissed Natara once more, but this time on her cheek before Blaise helped me up upon my feet._

_She rested her arm around my shoulder that provided me with that support to help me up, it feels like I have gone numb and that my legs have gone dead, that this feels like a nightmare, not reality that has the harsh truth which has now hit me and takes hold._

_I crumple down a nearby wall almost causing Blaise to fall as I turn to see the paramedics putting her lifeless corpse into that bag: the bag that symbolises a live lost. One final glance of her face before it's gone and she is carried off into the ambulance..._

_At that moment my heart rips into agonising guilt, as she is driven off and I know in that second she is finally gone._

_No pulse, no movement no heartbeat, no smile, no sparkle… All of it has gone and will forever be gone...She's cold and still..._

_She's lifeless..._

_**A/N: Wow Hey my lovelies I just wanted to say a huge hello! :D I know it been a while….Yeah I know don't worry I didn't get abducted by aliens if that's what you're wondering hehe jokes xD But I just wanted to say how sorry I am I'm about the long update and not being consisted with my stories which I deeply apologise from the bottom of my heart. I hope you all can forgive me..? :3**_

_**Well the reasons I was so long in updating was because I decided to take a break from writing so I could regroup and think about new ideas which am starting to plan at this moment of time. Also I've been thinking about how my stories were going and if I needed to change my overall approached towards them. As well as that college has been a lot work recently so again HUGE APOLIGIES! **_

_**The good news is am back! :D and don't worry I haven't forgot my stories there will be updates on the way and new stories, so please be patient and I warn you I won't be updating as much but they will be worth it, that is a promise in which I tend to keep. :') **_

_**Last thing, this is a One-Shot I thought about and decided to write it, this is Mal's P.O.V as he watches the death of his partner and how he feels when she passes away from him. Sad one-shot P.S. Don't hate me please...Okay please enjoy and Read? Review? Follow? Favourite?**_

_**I love you guys and it's great to be back! :D xxx**_

_**- Nat :') xxx**_


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